I stopped reading and thought about how He has called me to be “One Who Shines” (a name He showed me on a beautifully embroidered tapestry in a dream about 12 years ago), and how He has called me (about two years ago) to become a speaker to encourage and spur on women in the faith. And here I am, no further along in developing my speeches/topics than I was six months ago. And I ask myself, “Why is that?” And my heart immediately answers, “Because I am afraid!” And before I even realize it, I have spoken aloud, blurting out, “I am!!!”
And here is where God taps on the window of my heart and whispers gently to my spirit, “The confession and the answer are one”.
I have confessed that I am afraid: “I am!!!”
And God reminds me: “I AM!”
God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’” Genesis 3:14 NIV
Do not misinterpret: I do not claim to be Moses! But I know God has sent me just the same. He uses scripture to reinforce, to remind me of His calling on my life. I have no burning bush! But when God tapped on the window of my heart a moment ago, He also drew my attention out the window of my kitchen, where I do my quiet times. I see a camellia bush. It has captured my attention because it is different than anything else in my yard. It is not in flame, but it is in bloom. In a drought. In February.
The remarkable thing about a camellia is that it blooms in the dead of winter. Mine is a deep pink. And now my attention is drawn to the shirt I am wearing. Deep pink also. Hmmm. Interesting. I also find it interesting that the camellia was named after a missionary who found it on the island of Luzon. Luz means “light” in several Latin-based languages. (The Latin root word for “light” is “lux”.) Hmm. “One who shines”.
Perhaps my lesson today is to be like the camellia. In a world of dormant lives and among the spiritually dead, I am to bloom. Despite the drought, I am to bloom. I am to be different, to stand out, to attract attention for my Gardener, the I AM.
And I am not to be afraid!